Why You Should Never Order The Jalapeño Bites At Arby's

You've got to have your game face on when you eat at Arby's. "We Have the Meats!" booms their motto, to which you need to boom back, "Bring it." Those iconic giant roast beef sandwiches notwithstanding, many of the other items on the Arby's menu pose feisty challenges to diners. The Italian sandwich is loaded — "you might want to sit down," warns the menu. The curly fries are available soaked in cheddar sauce, bacon, and ranch. Like a good ole fistfight in a saloon, a trip to Arby's is supposed to leave you a little tousled when you're done.

Arby's jalapeño bites would seem like a good choice for some side action to accompany one of those menacingly-meaty sandwiches; they're made with a pepper, after all, that has a reputation for putting hair on men's chests, and sending pregnant women into labor (per Romper). But as much as you might be craving an on-brand dining experience, you actually should not order the jalapeño bites at Arby's, under any circumstances.

Cream cheese gives Arby's jalapeño bites a weird texture

Arby's menu describes its jalapeño bites with its typical marketing swagger: "Do not be afraid of jalapeño peppers. Their main goal in life is to be eaten, so they will not hurt you. Yes, these spicy jalapeño halves filled with melted cream cheese may seem a bit spicy at first." But food bloggers have said "meh" to the jalapeño bites' spiciness and "ick" to the effect of the cream cheese. Grub Grade said there was a certain sliminess to the bites, attributed to the "tongue coating cream cheese." Then came the final blow: "Not much heat." 

If your curiosity is getting the better of you and you just have to try the jalapeño bites, it is possible that you could be pleasantly surprised. There actually are some Arbyists who don't mind the cream cheese and pepper combination. "I really hope the person who thought of jalapeño bites and bronco berry sauce from Arby's as a combo is having the best life.. I love you," tweeted @courtneyszn_.