Popular Frozen Pizzas At Trader Joe's Ranked Worst To Best
Trader Joe's has made a name for itself over the past several decades by offering affordable food in its sizable stores across the country. And while the store is known for many quirks including a bell communication system, friendly cashiers in Hawaiian shirts, and delicious snacks, perhaps one of the chain's most popular features is its sizable frozen foods section. This section, located in the middle of most stores, is replete with nutritious meals like paneer tikka masala, pork shumai, and Italian-style gnocchi. And there, in the middle of the freezer section, practically marking the center of the store, is Trader Joe's frozen pizza section.
It's actually surprisingly difficult to compile a complete list of the retailer's frozen pizza offerings because the store rotates products based on price, availability, and popularity. That said, we've investigated to offer a review of some of Trader Joe's most popular pizza and flatbread offerings. Read on to find our unambiguous determination of which Trader Joe's pizzas are the worst — and which are the best.
7. Trader Joe's Burrata, Prosciutto, and Arugula Flatbread Pizza
Even when pizza is bad, it's still pretty good. But the Burrata, Prosciutto, and Arugula Flatbread Trader Joe's pizza is not that great. To summarize briefly, this pizza is doing way, way too much.
In theory, this pizza should be great, so we'll start with what's good about it. That combination of ingredients is well-balanced and spot on. Burrata, famous for being mozzarella's smoother, creamier cousin, is the perfect fatty cheese for any pizza. Add the salty, tanginess of cured prosciutto and the spicy fresh factor of arugula to a crisp crust, and you should have a perfect pizza. So why does this Trader Joe's offering fall short?
First of all, that prosciutto is just too salty. The next problem is the arugula. A restaurant version of this dish might offer fresh, crisp arugula, distributed over a hot pizza just out of a brick oven, so the leafy green just barely wilts but still offers a spicy crunch. This arugula is not that. The Trader Joe's pizza arugula has been cooked, then frozen, then gets cooked again, resulting in a frozen spinach-like texture with absolutely none of the spiciness of arugula.
6. Trader Joe's BBQ Chicken Pizza
Even Trader Joe's has some misses, and unfortunately, the BBQ Chicken Pizza is one of them. It's just not that tasty! Barbecue pizzas as a whole are difficult to get right. Barbecue sauce is not a neutral pizza sauce like tomato or even plain cheese, and Trader Joe's simply has not gotten the ideal flavor for their BBQ Chicken Pizza.
There are some good things about the pizza. With 14 grams of protein (likely coming from chicken and cheese) the BBQ Chicken Pizza is might sound pretty nutritious for a frozen pizza, but overall, it's not a super healthy option.
Plus, without a tomato base or a creamy cheese tying the whole thing together, this frozen pizza is actually pretty dry. Furthermore, for some reason, the chicken has a slightly unnatural taste, one that is almost chemical or metallic. While this is likely due to preservatives that help the frozen meal taste good, it's a difficult quality to look past. Our advice? Skip this pizza and opt for something that ends up a bit higher on this ranking.
5. Trader Joe's Tarte au Brie Pizza with Tomatoes
This pizza appears to be Trader Joe's attempt at a French appetizer with a pizza feel. The Tarte au Brie with Tomatoes is far from pizza's Italian origins or American success story, and it's also not particularly pizza-y. For that reason, the Tarte au Brie with tomatoes does not earn a particularly high ranking in our books.
The Tarte au Brie features Brie cheese, a crust, and tomatoes, which is why we've included it in the list. What is a pizza if not, in its most basic form, a carb crust, a cheese, and some kind of jammy or saucy tomato product? If anything, the Tarte au Brie's ingredients make it more intrinsically pizza than the BBQ chicken pizza, which has no tomato sauce aspect.
But the crust itself on the Tarte au Brie is sort of like a puff pastry crossed with a flatbread. It's flaky without the glutenous feel of a pizza crust or the firm constitution of a faux pizza crust, like the trendy cauliflower crust. For this reason, the Tarta au Brie falls flat, even though it's still worth a try.
4. Trader Joe's Pizza Parlanno
The Trader Joe's Pizza Parlanno has much to offer in terms of substance, but in terms of taste and texture, it is just fine. Loaded with peppers, onions, sausage, and pepperoni, this frozen pizza will fill any consumer up for an excellent price and without much preparation difficulty. That said, after marinating in a frozen cardboard box indefinitely, the taste and smell of green peppers overwhelm the onion, and likewise, the taste and smell of pepperoni overwhelm the sausage. Additionally, the crust remains somewhat soggy and dense when cooked. That said, this pizza really does taste fine — for frozen pizza.
The strangest thing about Trader Joe's Parlanno Pizza is in the name because Parlanno doesn't seem to mean anything. "Parlano," with one N, is Italian for "they speak," according to the experts at Duolingo, but the "they speak" pizza still doesn't make any sense. A cursory Google search for Pizza Parlanno revealed that a dish with such a name doesn't seem to exist anywhere outside of the Trader Joe's universe, so perhaps this name was simply a concoction from the imagination of Trader Giotto himself. It seems the reason behind this name will remain, for now, a mystery.
3. Trader Joe's Organic Pesto Pizza with Tomatoes & Broccoli
This is where the pizzas start getting better than your average grocery store freezer pizza. Kicking off the decent Trader Joe's frozen pizzas is the Organic Pesto Pizza with Tomatoes and Broccoli. Why is it so good? For starters, pesto and broccoli actually freeze really well. The sturdiness and heartiness of broccoli make it a better freezer candidate than a more delicate vegetable like arugula, and pesto can maintain its integrity as a sauce and puree when frozen.
This pizza is also absolutely full of vegetables. The USDA recommends one to three cups of vegetables per day. While it's hard to put a specific and consistent number on how many servings of vegetables are in this pizza, with broccoli, pesto, and tomatoes (which technically aren't a vegetable but are still super nutritious) this pizza is perfect for consumers who aren't snacking on carrots and celery all day.
2. Trader Joe's Wood-fired Naples Style Uncured Pepperoni Pizza
Trader Joe's Wood-fired Naples Style Uncured Pepperoni Pizza is where the grocery chain begins to enter the hall of fame of pizzas. Unlike the prosciutto pizza, this uncured pepperoni dish contains the perfect level of salinity. Perhaps this is because when uncured, pepperoni has less salt in it, which can be important to remember when it comes to the high sodium levels common in pre-prepared frozen dishes. The pepperoni is instead simply cooked to make it safe to eat, resulting in a crispy and oh-so-satisfying final product.
"Naples style" appears to extend to the crust as well, as this pizza is delightfully crisp, light, and satisfying, with a crust that is not rubbery or soggy like some of the other pizzas Trader Joe's has to offer.
The only downside of this pizza is that like other mass-prepared foods, it's liable to mishaps during the preparation stages. Sometimes, this pizza comes with all the uncured pepperoni on one side, or maybe it won't have enough uncured pepperoni to satisfy consumers. Ultimately, this is a risk associated with mass-produced, prepared meals.
1. Trader Joe's Pizza Margherita
Finally, the MVP of Trader Joe's pizzas is the Pizza Margherita. Trader Joe's offers a pretty standard Margherita pizza with mozzarella, tomato, and basil. In terms of ingredients, this pizza is perfect. It's not particularly nutritious compared to those with meat or vegetables, but there's also no rubbery chicken or overwhelming green peppers to let consumers down.
Because the crust is not overloaded with meats, vegetables, or even different types of cheeses, it heats up to a perfect crisp. The tomatoes are second best only to fresh tomatoes. The basil is underwhelming compared to fresh basil, but still comes across quite nicely and is far from a deal-breaker.
But what really makes this pizza amazing is that perfect mozzarella pull when it's heated and cut into. Trader Joe's is already known for its selection of excellent cheeses, and it would appear the store hasn't cut any corners with the Pizza Margherita. The mozzarella is gooey and tastes totally fresh. Once the pizza is warm, the mozzarella pulls in a satisfying string rather than falling off in a nearly raw glob.
This pizza is very low-risk and very high reward, making it a true best of its kind at Trader Joe's.