Your Holiday Candy Horoscope, According To Aldi

It's not that we need any more excuses to indulge in a little sweetness over the holidays, because we don't. For example, as soon as we found out that Michelle Obama makes an excellent shortbread cookie, we had pictures of them taped to our fridge (via NBC). Needless to say, we have Gwyneth Paltrow's molten chocolate cake recipe memorized, and we can recite Taylor Swift's chai sugar cookies with cinnamon eggnog icing recipe ten times, backward. So while convincing us to pamper ourselves with desserts will never be a challenge, any extra motivation offered up is more than welcome.

This week, Aldi's come through big time, posting a holiday horoscope on its official Instagram. No offense to regular horoscopes, but this year we don't need any ominous warnings about jilted lovers, trouble at work, or internal battles to overcome. This holiday season, we'll stick with chocolates, candy canes, toffees, and caramels, if you please.  

How to follow Aldi's holiday candy horoscope

What candy should you pig out on this holiday season, according to Aldi? If you're an Aries, peanut M&M's. (Perhaps you should also bake some Peanut M&M cookies for your less fortunate neighbors?) If you're a Taurus, go for Hershey's kisses (and then send some to Kendall Jenner, who has, per W magazine, never eaten one). Geminis are best with Hershey's candy cane kisses (but we're not sure that Kendall can handle those). Cancers might find their stockings filled with Rolos, something we unequivocally approve of.

Are you a Leo? In that case, SweeTarts are your thing, apparently – don't shoot the messenger. Virgos should indulge in York Peppermint Patties, which happens to be Fox weather woman Erin Thomas's favorite sweet, so ... you're in good company? Libras, meanwhile, can sit back, relax, and enjoy a Ferrero Rocher or two (or 20, whatever). Scorpios are in for some peppermint-flavored candy puffs. Sagittarius, on the other hand, should head to the candy aisle for some Belgian cocoa-dusted truffles (who died and made you Queen?). Capricorns need KitKats (Aldi says the boring chocolate variety, but why not live a little and get some Lemon Crisps or Strawberry Cheesecakes?) Aquarius will want some hard, holiday berry candy. And, finally, Pisces should settle for some dark chocolate-covered cherries, a true classic which, says Wide Open Eats, dates back to 1700s France. You're welcome and happy holidays!