Stephen Colbert Has A Gross Taco Bell Theory

According to Business Insider, the U.S. Department of Agriculture in mid-February 2022 banned the importation of Mexican avocados grown in Michoacán. All imports were suspended due to the fact that a U.S. plant safety inspector had received death threats that some feared were linked to gang violence in the state. The news might leave guac-lovers in despair: Since 2010, per-capita consumption of avocados has grown from four to nine pounds (via The New York Times).

News about the ban and the looming avocado shortage quickly spread to Stephen Colbert's "Late Show" team, and the host himself humorously presented the topic of avocado scarcity as the United States' next huge crisis in his monologue.

Colbert urged his viewers to "go buy a bunch of avocados, forget you have them, then throw them all away two days later because they turn into little compost grenades." However, amid all the chaos, the late-night talk show host noticed that one company had no reason to worry: Taco Bell, the restaurant chain that claimed it wouldn't be impacted by the shortage due to "how it gets its guacamole."

Avocados from Planet Ahch-To

The vague claim was met by Colbert's skeptical raised eyebrows and a long pause, followed by his gross theory about what this mysterious alternative source might be: "Yes, Taco Bell doesn't get it from Mexico, they get it from the planet Ahch-To." Ahch-To is the planet seen in "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" on which protagonist Luke Skywalker is pictured milking a female thala-siren in order to get green-colored milk for drinking.

Colbert presented the footage from the movie as an unwelcome reminder, and the in-house audience groaned in response. Unsurprisingly, in his own style, Colbert quipped, "I knew that would be the reaction and I didn't care." The audience did care, and viewers might just think that Colbert hit "guac bottom" (which was the punchline to one of his other jokes in the same monologue).

Taco Bell has its fair share of secrets, but the real reason it won't be impacted by the U.S. avocado importation ban has less to do with gross science fiction and more to do with legal loopholes. The restaurant chain imports guacamole itself rather than its main ingredient, whole avocados; the two foods are classified and regulated very differently (via Business Insider). Due to this technicality, consumers can continue to enjoy avocado flavor at Taco Bell and other chains and restaurants that import pre-made guac ... wherever it is they get it from.