The truth about the Fauci Pouchy cocktail

After two months of hunkering down and boosting our immune systems, gotta say, we're not really feeling it so much anymore. We've baked all we can bake, Zoom happy hours are getting kind of dull, and Disney sing-alongs are losing their thrill. Needless to say, everyone's over the quarantini, too — that drink's so last March.

But spring is here, and it's time for outdoor drinking (in our own backyards, or at sidewalk happy hours standing six feet away from the neighbors), and what could be easier, or more portable, than a pre-mixed cocktail in a pouch? Kind of like a Capri Sun, only a grown-up version. (Hmm, maybe that's what your third-grade teacher was sucking down on that super-stressful field trip to the zoo.) If you want to drink something that just screams summer 2020, though, you'll have to get your hands on the latest COVID-inspired cocktail, the ready-to-drink Fauci Pouchy.

What do you get in your Fauci Pouchy?

As the name implies, this drinky-winky comes in a pouchy-wouchy adorned with the mug of that least likely of pop culture icons, rockstar epidemiologist Dr. Anthony Fauci. According to the Washingtonian, these drinks are only available at one location, DC's Capo Italian Deli. Brand manager Rohit Malhotra credits a friend of his with the brilliant idea of adding a little Fauci to each pouchy, meant to boost the profile of a restaurant which hasn't been seeing much foot traffic of late.

The drink recipes, however, are Malhotra's own. According to the restaurant's online ordering portal at Cake, these are now available in 12 different varieties ranging from a classic Old Fashioned to a tiki drink Painkiller to an of-the-moment Tiger King cocktail made from mezcal, coconut water, aloe, agave, "tiger spice," and "hellfire bitters." 10 of these pouches come in a 14-ounce size (said to be enough for three servings) and costing $14, except for the Tiger King which is only $13. There are also two "fun size Faucis," a Washington Apple and a Lemon Drop, with each single-serve size priced at just $4.

Sadly, it looks like the Fauci Pouchys are only available for pickup, so out-of-staters are out of luck. If you're in DC, though, be sure to pick up a bunch no matter the price, since these have got "instant collectible" written all over them (even if you drink up the tasty contents prior to eBaying).