Don't Eat At IKEA Until You Read This

While there are people who do go to IKEA to shop for household goods, and others are more into the almost voyeuristic thrill of peeking into displays set up to look like rooms in someone's actual home, a surprisingly large number of us actually consider IKEA to be our favorite furniture-themed restaurant. While IKEA originally envisioned its in-house cafes, which date back to 1959, as an amenity meant to sell more sofas, it turns out that 30 percent of IKEA shoppers are actually just there for the food. In fact, the company may be contemplating opening a few stand-alone restaurants, and has even tested the waters with pop-up cafes.

IKEA actually has two separate eateries. In order to reach the sit-down restaurant, you'll need to make it through about half of the maze-like layout that will have you wondering, "Wait, should I have turned left at the LIXHULT? Or right at the RIBBA?" IKEA's Bistro, aka the food court, lies even farther away, past those long, long lines at the checkout, and offers a more limited selection of grab-and-go items. Either way, by the time you make it to one of these oases, you'll definitely be feeling some hunger pangs.

Whether you've been there dozens of times, or you're making your first pilgrimage to feast on the chain's famous Swedish meatballs, there's probably plenty you don't know about the IKEA dining scene. Here's what you need to know before you go.

In 2018 IKEA added salmon balls to their lineup of "(m)eatballs," bringing the total to four different kinds. Wait, what? Isn't a meatball pretty much a meatball? Well, not if you're IKEA, billion-selling meatball champion of the universe. Their first meatball, the iconic beef and pork variety beloved by just about everybody, has been around since the store first started feeding its customers.

It took more than 50 years before IKEA would expand its meatball roster, but 2015 saw two new hitters in the lineup: Chicken, meant to be lower in fat, and veggie, meant to be, well, vegan. Also gluten-free, soy-free, and more nutritious and sustainable than the actual meat kind of meatball.

So why the salmon balls, then? Well, they are also sustainable, reliably-sourced, and have a lower carbon footprint. They also contain a certain amount of cod, and are flavored with seaweed and lemongrass in order to "capture the fresh taste of cold Nordic sea in a tasty ball" because, you know, Sweden — they're pretty big on all things fishy. Perhaps the main reason behind this particular bit of product development genius, however, is that basically it's a clever way to use up all the leftover bits of salmon that didn't make the cut for the gravad lax or the salmon filet with dill sauce. Waste not, want not, makes sense to us.

While it took long enough for IKEA to acknowledge its vegetarian customers, with the veggie balls not coming out until 2015 and the veggie dogs in 2018, at least they finally offer some plant-based menu items. Whether you'll actually want to eat them, though, may depend on how hungry you are.

The veggie balls, which, according to IKEA are made with "clearly visible chunks" of corn, kale, chick peas, carrots, peas, and bell peppers, have the distinction of coming in at the bottom of two different lists: TimeOut Los Angeles said bluntly, "do not order these," and compared them to "discarded rejects of chicken meatballs," while Thrillist called them "a dry, bland mix of dehydrated veggie chunks and odd spices." Business Insider didn't rank the veggie balls, but dubbed them a "travesty... dry, withered orbs" that are "but a pale imitation of the real thing," while OnMilwaukee's take on them was "overcooked and lack[ing] flavor."

The veggie dogs, however, have received a more favorable reception. According to Fast Company, a million of these were sold throughout Europe after their initial launch, but then, European hot dogs are kind of sketchy to begin with, so their standards may be lower. As far as U.S.-based views of the veggie dog went, Vice's food writer liked its cabbage and onion topping, but found that the kale-and-lentil based dog tasted like nothing much. The Kitchn's review was more positive overall, but did note that the texture was pretty mushy. 

If you're perusing IKEA's dessert case, you might come across a rather unprepossessing, lumpy brown wedge labeled Daim cake. So what's Daim, you may be wondering, and why would they make a cake out of it? As to the first question, Daim is a type of Swedish candy you're about to see a lot more of as you continue your progress through IKEA, as they sell it in bags, bars, and sometimes they even hand out freebies at the checkout. As to what it tastes like, basically it's a Swedish version of a Heath Bar. The Skor bar, in turn, was Hershey's attempt at a fake-Swedish knockoff of Daim.

While there may be multiple chocolate-coated toffee bars on the market, there is only one IKEA Daim cake, with its slightly sweet almond-flavored base, layer of custard, and coating of thick milk chocolate embedded with almond brittle bites. It may look lumpy and weird, and is definitely not the prettiest pastry in the case, but its taste inspires rave reviews and copycat recipes. According to one Pinterest-posting connoisseur, a slice of IKEA's Daim cake is so good it can actually change your life. So yes, you should definitely put one on your tray.

If you can't decide what to order in IKEA's restaurant because everything looks so good, or else you're just a fan of budget-priced all-you-can-eat buffets, best keep an eye on the events page of your local IKEA website. Several times each year, IKEA puts on holiday-themed smörgåsbords: a Julbord at Christmas, a Påskbord at Easter time, and a Midsummer Smörgåsbord in June. Sadly, IKEA's almost-annual end of summer crayfish party (yes, this is actually a thing in Sweden!) had to be canceled at IKEAs across the U.S. in 2018 due to lack of crayfish.

If you're wondering what's on the menu at these IKEA buffets, which, yes, are all-you-can eat, the Julbord and Påskbord tend to feature just about everything but the kitchen sink: ham, meatballs (of course), cheeses, various types of salad, and lots and lots of seafood (herring, salmon, and shrimp). The midsummer buffet is a bit lighter, with more salads and no ham or sausage (but still meatballs), while the crayfish buffet, should it resume, features, well, crayfish (and also meatballs), along with some more classic picnic-style sides. And of course, each buffet features a selection of Swedish breads, crackers and desserts, and includes unlimited soft drinks, coffee and tea. And the best part? These buffets tend to run a very reasonable $16.99, or, if you're an IKEA Family member, just $12.99. Beat that, Golden Corral.

Pizza, like froyo, is only available at IKEA's Bistro, so it's something you pick up on the way out as a quick energy booster before you settle down to the grueling work of assembling that PAX wardrobe you just bought (since that will probably take you the rest of the day). While much of the food served in IKEA's sit-down cafe is Swedish-style, more of the bistro's offerings seem to be typical American fare, and in the case of the pizza, we're very fortunate that this is so. Sweden is not known for its pizza, or at least not in a good way, with even the most polite reviewers calling it an "acquired taste" (that there's really no need to acquire if you don't live in Sweden). And when it comes to odd topping combos, nobody can out-bizarre Sweden, home of what some have said might just be the worst pizza on earth.

So no, IKEA, you don't need to go there. Stick with the American pizza you're already serving — which isn't too bad, as far as food court pizza goes. The entire crust is crispy from middle to edge, and although the cheese topping doesn't look so great, the TimeOut Los Angeles review team confirmed that, in this case, looks are deceiving, and rated it a solid number six out of the 20 IKEA food items they ranked.