Velveeta Encourages Cheesy Bedroom Antics With Free 'Foodie Call' Kits

Velveeta's new cheesy "foodie call" venture bypasses the getting-to-know-you phase and the date nights and goes straight into the bedroom. Who needs the decorum of oysters and wine; it is the 21st century.

The American 77 years ago would not recognize the bold, coquettish Velveeta of today: Its humble beginnings was at the hands of Swiss cheesemaker Emil Frey when he sought out an alternative to wasting the broken Swiss cheese wheels at the Monroe Cheese Company in 1918. Frey upcycled the rejects by mixing them with whey (a protein-rich cheese byproduct, per Mayo Clinic) to produce a cheesy substance with a velvety texture — and so Velveeta was born, per the Smithsonian Magazine. By 1927 Kraft acquired the business, but the next decade and a half was a lean period that included a depression and a world war. For Velveeta, the latter meant wide market adoption because it was a cheaper source of protein and cheese substitute, per Envisioning the American Dream.

Velveeta is no longer an upcycled product or a second-rate substitute. Today it consists of the choicest organic ingredients. It is pure and decadent (per Salt of the Earth), making it a pricey luxury perhaps eligible for the bedroom (lookout whipped cream, honey, and strawberries).

Velveeta's Sexy Escapades

Who needs a booty call when you can have a foodie call? Per a press release sent to Mashed, Velveeta's venture comprises a free delivery of Deep-Delish Pizza Shells with Cheese, and Please Me, Cheese Me Totchos for 100 customers in the Lower East Side of New York City. For 1,000 fans outside the New York City delivery radius, a "foodie call" kit is available.

The kit consists of a Velveeta Fresh Pack Loaf, two Velveeta Shells & Cheese cups, Double Dipper eating utensils, and flavoring recipes. The promotion is available to those who text "VEL, YOU UP?" to 855-VELVEET(A) or 855-835-8338 on November 18, between 9 p.m. and 3 p.m. Eastern Time. This would not be the first time the company found alternate uses for cheese. On June 18, 2022, CNN reported that the company released a nail polish that smells like cheese.

Perhaps explaining Velveeta's sexy forays, is the fact that half of Velveeta's fans would be willing to give up sex for cheese. Another statistic indicates that 70% of respondents felt that the best way to enjoy mac and cheese was in bed at 2 a.m. with their loved one.