How To Get Banned From Waffle House In 1 Easy Step
.
Waffle House is famed for staying open in all kinds of weather and in fact, nothing short of a worldwide pandemic typically sets the chain back for long. Even though WH itself may remain open no matter what, you could find yourself persona non grata should you misbehave. Okay, it's likely you won't be banned for life since Waffle House isn't the TSA and doesn't have a no-fly (or no-fry) list. Nor is it a post office, so you probably won't be seeing "Wanted" posters up all over the place, unless you count the ones for those oh-so-wantable waffles. (We're pecan fans, ourselves.) Still, in the sense that getting kicked out of an establishment at least puts a temporary damper on the festivities, you could consider it a short-term ban of sorts, and that's exactly what happened to one anonymous Food & Wine reader.
As they shared with F&W, in the late '90s they were at a Waffle House with friends and one of the party decided to keep feeding the jukebox. Not a problem in and of itself, perhaps. But what apparently got on somebody's nerves (or a lot of somebodies, most likely) was that they played the same song over and over. No matter how much a fan you are of the big beat genre, nobody (except that one joker) wants to hear The Chemical Brothers' "Block Rockin' Beats" 14 times in a row. Waffle House asked them to kindly vacate the premises and they complied.
Waffle House isn't the only establishment to take offense at jukebox misuse
That nameless Waffle House patron with the annoying friend need not feel too bad about being booted out from an establishment on grounds of abusing the jukebox (or the ears of other patrons). One person confessed to the appropriately-named Vice that they were an unrepentant serial song overplayer. Their aural crimes, all of which took place in various drinking establishments, did not go unpunished: They were nearly beaned by a flying shot glass after cuing up Annie Lennox's "Walking on Broken Glass" four times, denied service by a bartender after multiple "Monster Mash" replays, and finally booted out of yet a third bar after endless iterations of Thin Lizzy's "The Boys Are Back in Town."
It's possible, however, that Waffle House may be a bit more lenient with patrons should they exercise their compulsion for musical redundancy with one of the tunes from its own record label. Among these hash house hits are such catchy (or ketchupy) tunes as "844,739 Ways to Eat a Hamburger," "Special Lady," "There are Raisins in My Toast," and "I'm Going Back to Waffle House."
These are Waffle House's stated expectations
While Waffle House is hardly an exclusive establishment where you can't get through the door without conforming to a strict dress code, it does, however, have the same expectations of its customers as every other public place. You can expect to be asked to leave, or perhaps escorted off the premises by persons in uniform, should you walk through the doors stark naked and waving a machete.
Where Waffle House does differ from most of its competitors, however, is that it does post a list labeled "House Rules" in a prominent place in each restaurant. The rules cover the basics, of course — while nudity and machetes aren't specifically mentioned, they'd fall under the general heading of obscene clothing (or lack thereof) and abusive behavior, respectively, and both of these things are prohibited. The rules do, however, also cover more Waffle House-specific behaviors such as solo diners being expected to slide down the counter to make room for larger counter-sitting parties if necessary as well as the fact that booths are meant for parties of two or more. The Waffle House rules, however, do not threaten anyone with eviction for minor etiquette violations. In fact, even though the signage discloses that anyone eating on their own at a table may be asked to move to a counter seat if a group is waiting to be seated, it adds the disclaimer that compliance is "your choice — you are the [capital C] Customer!"
If you're going to get kicked out of a Waffle House, you might as well be Savage about it
We can all agree that it's best to be on good behavior when you go out to eat, whether it be at a swanky Michelin-starred ristorante or a budget-priced breakfast chain. Still, if you're going to act up, go big or go home, right? Wrong, unless you're the late, great Randy "Macho Man" Savage, who was once tossed out of a Waffle House after an epic rumble that involved a fellow patron plus several of Nashville's finest. There was also a police dog who definitely got the upper paw as he ended the incident by sinking his teeth into Savage's hind end.
The moral of this story, of course, is that being a brawling brute outside the squared circle does not pay since quick-acting karma can literally bite you in the butt. (In fact, you might face even more dire consequences in this day and age as this particular incident took place back in the less-litigious '70s.) While we don't know if Savage was ever welcomed back by that particular Waffle House, he didn't choose to eschew breakfast chains altogether. In fact, the last meal the Macho Man ever ate was at a Perkins Family Restaurant.