Cheap Menu Items You Should Never Order At A Restaurant

P.T. Barnum once proudly declared "there's a sucker born every minute" — except he didn't. In fact, despite the widespread public belief that this cynical point of view came from Barnum, there's no evidence to suggest the legendary U.S. showman ever said such a thing (via Pittsburgh Post-Gazette). Still, regardless of its origin, the sentiment behind the well-known phrase stands. Because folks willing to trick others for their own benefit? They're a dime a dozen.

Now, we're not particularly proud of the fact that human beings can be so deceitful at times (right, Mr. District Attorney?). But morally and ethically scrupulous individuals – like restaurant owners who substitute cheap alternatives for typically expensive foods without alerting the customer — do indeed exist. In fact, if a generally exorbitant menu item is listed for a surprisingly low price and seems too good to be true, it probably is (and may not even be the actual food in question).

Frankly, even if you love a good bargain, which we do, well ... there is no such thing as a free lunch in life. In other words, certain discounted menu items aren't worth your purchase — let alone the paper they're printed on. On that note, we've compiled a list of cheap menu items you should never order from a restaurant. And if you trust our guidance now? You'll thank us later.

Perhaps you're wondering how a person could avoid a cheap (and ultimately disappointing) premade pasta dish. After all, it's not as though menus advertise whether a restaurant is offering customers food that wasn't freshly made. But as evidenced by the popularity of fast food chains that never use frozen beef patties, consumers prefer less processed (or premade) food when eating out. So if you see certain cheap pasta dishes on a menu, you may want to presume it was premade — and therefore not worth ordering.

Actually, according to Forbes, it may just be best to skip any pasta dish when dining at a restaurant, regardless of the price. It's not that a relatively simple ziti or linguine dish won't be appetizing or filling — even a cheap one. But if you're splurging on a night (or day) out on the town, don't choose a dish you can "whip ... up yourself in 20 minutes with stuff from your kitchen cupboard," as restaurant consultant Clark Wolf told Forbes in 2011.

To be sure, you'll always want to avoid a kid's version of macaroni and cheese from the menu. After all, as any person who's worked in the food service industry knows (this writer included), children's mac and cheese dishes are often premade — while offering nothing more than a cheap imitation of Kraft macaroni and cheese.

We can't say we've ever understood the purpose of imitation crab — or surimi in Japanese (via SFGate). Sure, from a manufacturer's standpoint, it makes a fair amount of sense. It's a simple way to repurpose relatively unappealing fish products into a crab-like substance that provides a cheap (if highly processed) alternative to the real thing. Consequently, supermarket shoppers won't have difficulty discerning real crab from the less expensive surimi (simply peruse the ingredient list if you're unsure). But if a crab dish is suspiciously cheap at a restaurant? It may be trying to pull a fast one on customers.

Given the reputational risk a restaurant runs by deliberately misleading customers when substituting surimi for real crab, we'd like to imagine few establishments actually do such a thing. But according to one restaurant owner on Quora, "a lot of restaurants take shortcuts to save time and money," particularly when it comes to items where the shellfish can be "hidden."

If you're wary about the authenticity of a menu item's purported crab, don't be shy: Ask your server (politely) about the actual ingredients and preparation process. And if you remain unconvinced with the answer, skip to your second choice.

Before we dive too deeply into the rationale for never ordering cheap clam chowder from a restaurant, we want to be perfectly clear: We love clam chowder. Maybe Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell) despised what she called a "savory latte with bugs" while stuck in the Bad Place. But we can't get enough of the rich, creamy delightfulness that is clam chowder. So why would we advise you to avoid the soup if it's surprisingly cheap? Because odds are you won't be eating fresh clams but rather a canned product.

As chef Rusty Hansen told Eat This, Not That in 2022, many professionals view clam chowder as "the lowest quality menu item at a seafood restaurant," since the cheaper version tends to be "made from canned clams." Now, we're not trying to denigrate canned seafood products, given canned fish can be an enormously healthy and nutritious food item. But while canned food items are perfectly fine for home cooking, if we're paying a premium to eat at a restaurant, we expect a level of quality that supersedes our own abilities.

In other words, even if you love clam chowder as much as we do, don't go for the bargain-basement option. Rather, wait until you can splurge on a soup made with fresh-caught clams.

When it comes to cheap menu items you should never order from a restaurant, the prevailing rationale revolves around the chance you'll be served a subpar, or inaccurately labeled, item. But when it comes to cheap sushi, the concern tends to trend more toward a health risk than a letdown in quality. In that sense, just as you should skip gas station sushi, the dangers of cheap restaurant sushi — and the risk of ending up with food poisoning — are too great to try.

Frankly, it's fairly well-known that eating sushi is a health risk for some, given the potential hazards of consuming raw fish (via The Atlantic). Beyond any health concerns, though, is the reality that many cheap sushi items don't actually contain what they say they do (we know that's shocking to learn). In fact, according to author Larry Olmstead (via The Independent), "the rate of (sushi) restaurants having at least one fake on the menu when tested approaches 100 percent."

Clearly, there are several reasons to skip a cheap sushi item on your next trip out. Whether you're worried about your health or your taste buds, don't fall into a bargain sushi's trap.

We can certainly understand the desire by restaurants to offer genuinely appealing deals on often-unattainable foods. But when the entire basis of doing so involves deliberately deceiving customers by presenting a cheap imitation as a legitimate product, it's hard to swallow. On that note, you should avoid ordering (and consequently swallowing) a cheap red snapper dish from restaurants. Because you aren't likely to receive red snapper, according to CNBC – and you may have no idea what fish you're consuming at all.

While there's no shortage of potential culinary shortcuts a restaurant can take with menu items, "seafood would be the worst category overall," as author Larry Olmstead told The Independent in 2016. We'd have to imagine this isn't exactly shocking to you, dear reader, considering half of the cheap menu items we advise you never to order are seafood items.

Then again, if you didn't realize a pattern of untrustworthy seafood items existed at restaurants, at least you have that knowledge now — and are far less likely to get ripped off by cheap fish options as a result. And since red snapper is one of the more prized fish options out there, if you see it for less than expected? It'll probably contain less red snapper than you'd prefer.

Popping a bottle of Champagne in celebration of anything is one of the great joys of adulthood, whether it's a new year, a championship victory, or any other special occasion. Of course, considering the fairly strict regulations regarding Champagne production — namely, that only sparkling wine produced in the Champagne region of France can legally be called Champagne in many parts of the world (via Champagne) — many may assume it's impossible to be duped by a cheap imitation. However, according to VinePair, California state laws actually allow winemakers to label their sparkling wine products as Champagne — even if they're not from France.

Now, we're not saying California-created Champagne products are terrible or unworthy of imbibing on. On the contrary, we're big fans of domestically made sparkling wines, regardless of the state of origin. But we also recognize many folks are completely unaware that Champagne sold in the U.S. isn't necessarily authentic Champagne from France.

If you do see cheap Champagne for sale on a restaurant menu, there may be some telltale signs to determine whether it's fake, including the bottle itself and its packaging (via Glass of Bubbly). Of course, when all else fails? Check the vineyard of origin. If it's not from France, you'll know it's not worth ordering.