Almond Moms, Explained (And Why They're So Toxic)
If you've been hanging around on TikTok, or watching Gwyneth Paltrow videos, you've likely come across the term "almond mom." From the way the term is used, it's obviously not a good thing to be. But what does it have to do with almonds — and is it only for moms?
While the term has recently started trending, its origins go back a decade, to a scene from "Housewives of Beverly Hills." In the video, a young Gigi Hadid calls up her mom, Yolanda Hadid, who is recovering from breast-implant removal surgery. Gigi complains of being really weak and says she's only eaten "like, half an almond." Instead of recommending a nice bowl of vodka pasta (as Gigi has since learned to make), her mom recommends she take "a couple of almonds and chew them really well" (via In the Know).
The video, in addition to a host of other YouTube clips which have surfaced showing Yolanda's interactions with her daughter, suggests a highly controlling attitude towards Gigi's diet and exercise habits, an approach that Hadid both espouses for herself and encourages in her daughter. The scene has, unfortunately, resonated with many young people and has given birth to the "almond mom" term. Beverly Hills Housewives and supermodels aside, an almond mom is a mother whose behaviors and attitudes push her children towards disordered eating, which she consistently normalizes as healthy and appropriate.
Mother knows best?
Yolanda Hadid has since tried to explain that the video was taken out of context (per People); that, having just woken up from surgery, she was out of it and didn't know quite what she was saying (Gwyneth Paltrow has likewise defended herself). But critics point to other similar kinds of comments and statements, and numerous people speaking out suggest that it's typical of almond moms to deny that there is anything problematic or proscriptive about their approach.
Since the term gained currency, it has started to trend heavily on TikTok and elsewhere, with more and more young people reflecting on their mothers' vigilant attitude towards their eating and exercise. One TikToker posted a clever montage of a typical almond mom at Christmas time, giving her child ankle weights as a Christmas gift and cutting off her kids' supply of candy canes, offering them peppermint tea as a substitute. Her final punchline comes as she looks at the camera, smilingly indignant, and states firmly, "I'm not toxic, I'm just trying to help." That sums up almond moms' damage potential in a nutshell: They think they're just being good moms.
As the almond moms theme pervades the internet, experts in eating disorders have weighed in on the problem. Ginny Jones, of the "ED Parenting Podcast", and Mallory J. Page of "Seems Like Diet Culture" have both reflected at length on the term and the behaviors associated with it.
Breaking the disordered cycle
Ginny Jones notes that our diet culture allows many terrible habits to fly under the radar (like ignoring important food cravings); she believes that many almond moms have undiagnosed and untreated eating disorders that need to be recognized and dealt with. Almond moms have often internalized our culture's negative beliefs about our bodies and are themselves victims of the negativity they hand on. While almond moms' attitudes are truly damaging, Jones counsels against public shaming in order to engage almond moms and help them gain the self-awareness to change, for their own sake and that of their children.
Jones and Mallory Page note that an eating disorder is not caused by one single factor or one bad parent — almonds moms can be dads or even other relatives, as Page points out. Page echoes Jones' admonition against simply blaming moms for their kids' eating disorders but also stresses the need to move beyond their bad models. Page notes that, since almond moms are fat-phobic themselves, they unwittingly end up pawning off behavior onto their children.
Both almond moms and their kids need to confront their food and body issues and empower the next generation to distance themselves from the damage. While almond moms can perpetuate a terrible cycle, it is a cycle their daughters can be empowered to break and make the world a better place to live—and a happier place to eat.
If you need help with an eating disorder, or know someone who is, help is available. Visit the National Eating Disorders Association website or contact NEDA's Live Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. You can also receive 24/7 Crisis Support via text (send NEDA to 741-741).