What Papa John's mansion really looks like

Papa John Schnatter may be out one sweet gig, no longer chairman of the pizza company that bears his name, but at least he's still got a super-sweet crib. Not even a crib, though — it's more like a whole nursery, sprawling across 16 acres of a country-club suburb outside Louisville, Kentucky. So just how impressive is le château de Papa Jean? Take it from former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, himself no stranger to high-priced real estate: "Who would've imagined pizza could build this? This is really something. Don't you love this country? What a home this is, what grounds these are, the pool, the golf course... This is a real tribute to America, to entrepreneurship."

Ever the tone-deaf public relations maestro, Papa chose a time when many people are out of work to show off his $20+ million-dollar digs (estimate courtesy of Celebrity Net Worth) on TikTok since, you know, nothing cheers up the recently unemployed like watching billionaires show off their prized possessions.

What Papa John's place looks like outside

As the TikTok house tour begins, Papa John welcomes us at the ornately-carved doors to his mansion with a big "Howdy" — and just in case we might for one instant forget who he is, he's wearing a pizza sauce-red t-shirt emblazoned with "Papa." We only get to peep inside for a split second, however, before the camera swoops back out again to give us an aerial view of the exterior — the turrets! The moats! The oppressed peasantry, waving flaming torches and getting ready to revolt! Oh wait — that part seems to have been edited out.

While we may catch a brief sight of the 6,000 square foot guest cottage (the one percenter version of a tiny house), what we don't get to see is the multi-level underground garage with room for 22 cars, which Celebrity Net Worth says comes complete with a giant motorized turntable for those difficult-to-park stretch limos (the ultimate in first-world problems). Papa did post an earlier TikTok video showing a glimpse of the garage with three of his Camaros and another one in which he rides a motorized trike around inside it, but we'd bet blue-chip stocks to bubblegum that he can't resist the urge to show off the whole shebang in a later installment.

Inside Papa John's castle

Back inside the castle keep, we see... well, mostly just his fancy front foyer. His cathedral ceiling is the height of a real cathedral, his stone floor tiles have a mosaic inlay (each piece probably individually placed by blind Belgian monks), his sideboard is most likely hand-carved of some exotic wood, but the only thing he really wants to talk about is the centerpiece that seems to take up most of the room — an enormous sculpture of mating eagles since nothing screams "good taste" like birds in a compromising position. Of course, Papa explains that it's not just a sculpture, but also a clock that spins four times an hour.

And speaking of disappointments, the 55-second video ends at the doors to Papa's library, where he "film[s] a lot of footage...work[s], write[s] letters." He teases opening the door, then shuts it at the last minute, saying, "Maybe next time... maybe." And all the world waits in breathless anticipation... Just think, he's probably got several hundred more rooms to show us!