The Saddest Happy Meal Toys In McDonald's History

Happy Meals, like their name implies, are something that are meant to make kids, well, happy. While a burger or nuggets alone may not do the trick, and the meals have only a teensy handful of fries and no soda, Mickey D's knows that all kids are amenable to bribery in the form of cheap toys. In fact, there's quite a market in collectible Happy Meal toys which seems to indicate that a number of Happy Meal sales are driven by consumers who are most likely over 4-feet tall.

Over the years McDonald's has produced a plethora of pretty awesome Happy Meal toys, including their own line of Teeny Beanies during the height of the '90s Beanie Baby craze, as well as some cool sets of Hot Wheels, and even My Little Ponies. They've also had their share of clunkers, too, including a pedometer capable of causing skin burns (and also boredom, since what kid wants a cheapo knockoff FitBit?) and a possibly potty-mouthed Minion. 

Perhaps the biggest disappointment they've ever delivered, however, is when McDonald's mistook happiness for hygiene, and toys for toothpaste, delivering the 1989 clunker that Kids Nursery Art reveals was called the "Bedtime" collection.

The true horror of the not-so-Happy Meal Bedtime collection

Toothpaste as a toy? Surely, we jest! Sadly, we do not (and don't call us Shirley). Who knows what misguided genius thought bedtime was the happiest part of a kid's day. A parent's, perhaps, but only after the kids are sound asleep. The part of the nightly ritual/ordeal that involves toothbrushing, face washing, and endless plastic cups full of water, milk, or juice (or wine, if Mom's using the cup) is fun for no-one, whether or not you slap a clown face on any of the necessary accouterments.

The Talko chose these bedtime "toys" as one of the worst of the '90s (despite their having come out in the '80s, as per Kids Nursery Art and numerous eBay listings), and just about any kid would concur. The complete set consisted of four items: a toothbrush and mini tube of Crest, a drinking cup, a foam wash mitt, and a glow-in-the-dark "nite stand" Ronald. Of the bunch, only the last is vaguely toy-like, although possibly nightmare-provoking. (Mommy, I dreamed there was a radioactive clown by my bed!) The mitt could have maybe been repurposed as a hand puppet of sorts, but a cup? Meh. And a toothbrush? Any kid who found that dud in their box must have felt like they'd just gotten coal in their Christmas stocking. 

Luckily, Mickey D's is now back into the actual toy biz, wisely deciding to cede the "bummer meals" field to Burger King.