Enough With The Mile-High Burgers Already

Burgers, the classic handheld meal with presumed German roots, have become a spectacle celebrated for their versatility. Restaurants specializing in these savory sandwiches boast menus with a bounty of options. So, whether you prefer a single patty adorned with the standard lettuce, onions, tomato, and cheese or four patties smothered with macaroni and cheese, brisket, fried onions, avocados, a fried egg, pork belly, and virtually anything else you can imagine, rest assured you'll be able to order whatever combination pleases your palate. However, when it comes to the latter, "more" doesn't always translate to "merrier."

We can genuinely appreciate culinary artistry, but when a "unique" dish becomes intimidating to the average consumer, it's a turn-off. Beyond the obvious health concerns, the very notion of assembling a burger that requires advanced engineering to prevent an impending collapse raises an eyebrow. Beneath the layers of bravado and Instagrammable aesthetics lies a fundamental flaw: the poor structural integrity of these over-the-top creations.

While competitive eaters may revel in the challenge of tackling colossal hamburgers and cheeseburgers, the average diner is left grappling with a mess of epic proportions. Burgers should be a delightful union of tastes and textures. The struggle that ensues from attempting to contain a mountain of toppings undermines this compatibility. Each bite becomes a precarious balancing act, risking the disintegration of the burger into a mound of disarray. The symphony of flavors becomes lost in the cacophony of ingredients rivaling for attention.

Eating a burger shouldn't be a catastrophic event

Quality takes a backseat when it comes to tall burgers. The sheer quantity of toppings overshadows the intrinsic excellence of the individual components. An optimally grilled, meticulously seasoned patty deserves to be the star of the show. However, it is often relegated to a supporting role, drowned out by the sauces, cheeses, and miscellanea. The essence of the burger is compromised as the focus shifts from savoring the nuances of a juicy patty to navigating through a hodgepodge of ingredients vying for dominance.

Moreover, the overemphasis on embellishments not only detracts from the burger's core identity but also raises concerns about food waste. Primarily built for shock value and social media post-worthiness, they are frequently left unconquered on plates across the nation. The surfeit of veggies, meats, and dressings contributes to an alarming amount of uneaten food. In an era where sustainable eating practices are gaining traction, the frivolous extravagance of these burgers stands as a glaring example of excess.

Let's address the elephant in the room: the mess. These colossal burgers are notorious for their lack of soundness, leading to an inevitable descent into chaos. The layers catalyze a perfect storm of dripping, oozing, and falling debris. Navigating the labyrinth of flavors becomes an exercise in futility as diners grapple with runaway condiments and sliding ingredients. When the mess becomes the focal point, it detracts from the pleasure of the meal.

The best burgers are modest, unpretentious works of art

The argument for simplicity in burgers is not a call for austerity but a plea for balance. A well-constructed burger, with carefully chosen toppings that complement rather than overpower, allows each element to shine. The patty, the cornerstone of any respectable burger, should not be buried beneath all those layers. Whether a beef, bison, turkey, chicken, or plant-based patty, the VIP should be showcased and celebrated for its quality and craftsmanship.

In the pursuit of gastronomic innovation, there's an undeniable allure in pushing the boundaries of tradition. However, the mile-high burger, in all its towering glory, misses the mark. It sacrifices the essence of a great burger in favor of shock value. A burger should not be a Herculean obstacle that demands the unhinging of one's jaw.

The verdict is clear: simple is best when it comes to burgers. Customers should feel free to customize their grub with their favorite toppings, of course, but a proper balance of ingredients, where each contributes to the overall harmony, allows them to savor the essence of a quality burger. Lofty, teetering burgers, with their impossible heights, chaotic profiles, and propensity for food waste, may make for a captivating spectacle, but they fall short of delivering a truly satisfying experience. Enjoying a cheeseburger should not be a feat of strength that leaves one feeling defeated; rather, it should be a pleasure that is accessible, tasty, and unburdened by disproportionate bites.