Anthony Bourdain's 6 Elements Of A Great Bar

Anthony Bourdain remains a trusted authority on all things food. He had, on deck, the best restaurant in any remote place you might find yourself in, and a vast knowledge of the techniques used to make food exceptional. Like most bleeding heart bad boys, he was also a romantic — from the women he loved and the words he spoke to the dive bars he frequented. Matter of fact, Tony was eminently well versed in the bar scene, using season 2 episode 5 of "A Cook's Tour" to take us on a journey through his six elements of a great bar.

Figuring out what you don't like in a bar can feel far easier than finding those qualities that make you sigh and say, "that's the stuff." As far as Bourdain was concerned, entertainment and live music were considered obtrusive, and karaoke was downright blasphemous in a drinking establishment. There were to be no themes, no velvet ropes, no long lines, or crowds. What he craved were features beloved by true-blue bar flies: a convenient locale, a killer bartender, hours that line up with yours, good music, better food, and just the right amount of reciprocity.

If a bar is going to be yours, it would be convenient if it were close by, wouldn't it? According to Anthony Bourdain, that's the first box to check when you're looking for a great bar in which to spend your time. Ideally, it's intimate enough where, after a while, the bartender remembers your name and what you drink. More than anything else, though, it has to pass the vibe check.

"A bar should be a refuge, a sanctum sanctorum, where one can commiserate with other strugglers — the joys, the tragedies of the human experience," Bourdain poetically notes (via Facebook). Camaraderie, or at the very least familiarity, with your fellow bar goers is what takes you from a patron to a regular. If you're able to have meaningful discourse over a beer or two, even better. If you prefer to brood in silence, that's cool, too. It's this dynamic, often found in neighborhood hole-in-the walls, that make dive bars appealing establishments for many folks.

Feeling at ease in your bar is necessary if there is to be a sustained relationship. While some bars are loud and boisterous, others are dodgy or dangerous. Your go-to bar should be comfortable, "like an extra room in your house," he says. A place where you can sit, enjoy a drink, and be yourself without any pretenses.

Once you find a cozy spot in which you like to drink, you must also be sure the bartender is your speed. For better or worse, the bartender is something of an overlord, reigning over your bar experience. They set the tone and the flow of the evening. Having bartended for 15 years in establishments that range from local dives to decorated craft cocktail bars, I can say it takes just two things to really impress people with your bartending skills: the ability to multitask, and the ability to make people feel at home. Anthony Bourdain thought much the same.

"A maniacal bartender should combine a fierce concern for your current state of liquidity with the tactful listening skills of a priest hearing confession," he said (via Facebook). Essentially, this means making every person there feel like the only person in the room. When you find a bartender that can anticipate needs and deliver what people want (before they have to beg for it) while simultaneously remaining engaging — hold on to them tight (figuratively, of course).

Bourdain says, in the most Bourdain way, it also doesn't hurt if they have "mastered at least one of the sacramental beverages of their craft." Ask your bartender what their favorite drink to make is; they probably make it well. Mine's an old fashioned or a classic whiskey sour. Tony thought the ability to nail a classic American martini is what separated the men from the boys.

Not everyone can be your typical weekend warrior. We don't all have Friday and Saturday nights free to drink and be merry to our hearts content. Folks such as service industry workers, nurses, cops, and factory workers might keep unconventional hours, often working through the night. Does that mean they don't crave a nice cold drink after a long shift? Certainly not. That's why Anthony Bourdain pointed out that your home base bar should be one with "operating hours amenable to your personal lifestyle choices" (via Facebook).

For Bourdain, that meant a bar that opens early, one where he could have a beer at 8 a.m. without any judgemental looks. For factory workers in my small farm town bar, who get off shift after midnight, they need something open until at least 2 or 3 a.m. (and there aren't many of those around). To make a place your watering hole, it has to actually be open during the times you're looking to be watered.

"There's something to be said about the lonely bar," Anthony Bourdain says (via Facebook) — a place you can sit in peace and enjoy a moment of semi-quiet solitude. The obligation to pay attention to a performer is sometimes asking too much, and a place that blasts music at 1,000 decibels is hard for most folks to enjoy past the age of 21. Sometimes, you're happy to just bask in the environment, soothed by the sheer fact that others are in the room with you. Other times, you might be in the mood to play into your moodiness with a favorite song. That's where a solid jukebox comes in.

Anthony Bourdain believed that a good jukebox is a requirement for a good bar. He called out Rudy's, a New York City bar famous for serving free weenies, for having one of the top three jukeboxes in NYC, and, therefore, the world. The best I've ever seen was at a neighborhood dive in New Orleans, called Pal's. It cultivated a collection that spanned across a range of genres, but kept the same cool, alternative vibe. For a jukebox to be a success, it should contain a breadth of music that fits both the bar and its clientele.

If Anthony Bourdain failed to mention bar food in his bar essentials round-up, we would have felt totally cheated. When it comes to bar food, Bourdain ran the gamut, traveling to far away places and trying all the customary bar snacks. He had yakatori in Japan, gourmet tapas in Spain, and a cobra heart served in a glass of wine in Vietnam. Some high-end bars serve award-winning eats, but, when you plan on making a bar your regular spot, you generally want the eats on offer to be unsurprising, comfortable, and, most importantly, tasty.

"When it comes to the ultimate bar food, we have it right here in the the USA: the one, the only, hamburger," he gushed (via Facebook). Simplicity is the name of the game when it comes to great bar food. You don't want a bunch of crazy options, but a couple of things done really well — like a great burger. "I don't want a tower of foie gras with micro greens here. I want blood and grease on my fingers and chin," he said, adding, "I want to be able to hold all my food in one hand and a beer in the other." Not to mention, really good bar food can make drinks taste even better. The fat and salt in food can be complemented by the acid, sweetness, and bitterness of drinks to create a delightful balance of flavors.

You can go to the absolute best bars in the United States, but, at the end of the day, nothing holds a candle to your local hang. That's because, as the "Cheer's" theme song so aptly points out, sometimes, you want to go where everybody knows your name. Being a regular somewhere also comes with some perks. Anthony Bourdain called this "symbiotic relationship between vendor and customer" (via Facebook) a buy back — the unspoken agreement in which purchasing a certain amount of drinks gets you a freebie every now and again.

He referenced a now-closed New York City dive called Bellevue, which would have bartenders put an upside down shot glass in front of patrons as a symbol of a drink credit on the house. While not all bars are so overt, I've worked in many establishments where owners or managers tell bartenders they have the ability to give out free drinks when they feel it's appropriate. Not only does this improve the customer experience, making them feel both valued and like they got a good value, it can, in turn, boost tips for the bartender. Bourdain called this, "a gesture of reciprocity." The bar turns a profit, you get a little something for free, and I get a few extra dollars added to my tip. Everybody wins!