Most popular Super Bowl food, ranked

Let's be honest — for some people, the Super Bowl is more about the party than it is the game. What other day gives you the perfect excuse to stuff your face from morning 'til night with deliciously greasy fare, washing it all down with beer, beer, and more beer? The answer is no other days.

But whether or not you're a football fanatic or just there for the commercials, we can all agree that some foods have their place at the game day table, and some just don't. (Case in point — do not come to my house with your pea-laden guacamole, please, on Super Bowl Sunday or any other day of the year, for that matter.) 

As there is a winner and a loser for the championship game, there are winners and losers when it comes to those party snacks. Here's how the most popular Super Bowl foods rank, from worst to best.

17. That ridiculous snack stadium

Sorry Pinterest, I just can't do it. Sure, it's cute and it totally proves how crafty you are, but can you imagine how that thing is going to look 15 minutes into your party? It's going to start falling into itself the second someone grabs a pizza roll from the bottom of the pile, the ketchup is going to be mixed with the guacamole, and it's going to turn into one huge #fail. I promise you that your guests will love the pigs in blankets just as much if you serve them sans stadium.

16. Anything football-shaped

Listen, when I'm shoving that [insert football-shaped item here] into my mouth, I do not care even a little bit what shape it is. You're going to spend a whole bunch of time putting chive "laces" onto your deviled egg "footballs," and I'm not going to appreciate it because I've already had three beers. Sorry.

15. The sad veggie platter

That pre-assembled week-old veggie plate with the limp broccoli, the brown celery, the unripe tomatoes? Just don't. While I commend you for attempting to give your guests a "healthy" option, nobody wants carrots that have developed a whitish exterior or tomatoes that are starting to wrinkle. Maybe just hit up Whole Foods and grab some hummus and seeded crackers instead.

14. Nachos — hear me out on this

I know. I KNOW. Nachos are delicious. There's no question about it. But nachos are not delicious when they've been sitting for longer than approximately 90 seconds. There is a very small window in which your nacho eating time is optimal, and a party where they're going to sit out for hours is not it. You will have soggy chips, congealed cheese, and a sea of sad faces.

13. Queso dip, sometimes

Another timing problem — queso has a short life once it's off the heat, and unless you're pouring it down your throat the instant it comes out, you're not living your best life. The only way queso moves up on the list is if you're keeping it warm and snuggly in a Crock-Pot right there on the table, but fair warning — extension cords, copious amounts of beer, and molten cheese might not be the best combination.

12. Guacamole (especially if it contains veggies it shouldn't)

Just like nachos and queso, guacamole is normally an exceedingly tasty snack. But there are a couple problems with the classic avocado dip: 1. People think they need to healthify it with peas or edamame, or, perhaps worst of all, broccoli. So definitely don't do that, and if a guest brings such an abomination to your party, "accidentally" trip and throw it on the floor. 2. It turns brown after it sits out a while and Super Bowl Sunday is a long day, i.e., not optimal guac conditions. (Though if I had to choose, I'd eat oxidized guacamole for the rest of my life before I ever allowed broccomole into my mouth.)

11. Chili, because beans

We all know what happens when we eat chili — don't pretend like it doesn't happen to you. Sure, it tastes great, but the after-effects keep this menu item at a firm number 11.

10. Sliders — a lot of work for little pay

Preparing these tiny little burgers is a painstaking process. Yes, they are super cute, and yes, they will look "totes adorbs" on Instagram, but regular ol' burgers get the job done a lot faster and a lot easier.   

9. Pulled pork sandwiches — good, but messy

There's a lot to be said for pulled pork — it's super easy (thank you, Crock-Pot), and one batch feeds a ton of people. But for all it's delightful drippy barbecue sauciness, it can be a bit messy. Maybe this is a good weekend to take a page from Grandma and cover those couches in plastic?  

8. Buffalo chicken dip, a no-brainer

Even though this dip runs a slight chance of pulling a queso and congealing, I cut it a lot of slack because it's Buffalo chicken and cheese, which is like Buffalo wings but better because no bones plus cheese.

7. Seven layer dip = seven layers of happiness

Layered dip just might be the greatest party dip ever invented. It's the food you eat when you need a break from the other food. You can mindlessly dip chip after chip and, miraculously, when you're done dipping you're ready to get back on that horse and take down some hot dogs and cocktail meatballs. It's basically seven layers of magic.

6. Hot dogs, because you just have to

There's really no question about it — hot dogs are required at football parties. You've already got the grill fired up from your hours-long slider-making endeavor anyway, so it's no extra effort. Plus, wieners are the best vehicle for that ill-advised chili.

5. Cocktail meatballs — isn't that the law?

Why are cocktail meatballs so dang good? Is it the toothpick? Is it the sauce? All I know is that they're quite possibly the world's most poppable food.

4. Pigs in a blanket — totally different from hot dogs

You might not know this, but you actually have separate compartments in your stomach for pigs in blankets and hot dogs, so obviously you'll want to eat both. But if you are forced to choose, just remember that the best pigs in blankets usually involve cheese and/or a bacon wrap situation.

3. Pizza — the easiest crowd-pleaser

Pizza is the near-perfect Super Bowl food. Allow me to expand:

  1. Nobody expects you to make your own pizza, so delivery is totally acceptable and that means you don't have to do a thing.
  2. It's cheese…
  3. And bread. Combined.

The only way pizza could be a more perfect game day food is if it was potato skins or chicken wings.

2. Potato skins — huge pain, but totally worth it

I won't pretend potato skins aren't a lot of work. Scrub the potatoes, bake the potatoes, scoop out the potatoes, bake the potato shells — it's an endless amount of potato tending. But man, is the end result worth it. The crisp outer shell. The cheese. The bacon. The sour cream. So. Worth. It.

1. Chicken wings, obviously

Do not even think about having a Super Bowl party without wings. Please. I will even forgive you your pea guacamole gaffe if you've got a gigantic pile of wings happening. But forget the Buffalo sauce here — you've already got that covered in dip form. Use this opportunity to branch out into other preparations. From bacon-wrapped to Asian flavors, there's a whole new wing world out there, and this is the day to try them all.